Gems and Opportunities.

As a human creature, we truly like positive feedback and just hate negative feedback. Bosses in general expect their subordinates to appreciate their negative feedback and “improve”. Actually, it does not work that way. It is demoralizing and an extreme put down especially when the subordinate in question is hardworking and does his/her best within their human limitations.
The subordinate needs to feel appreciated for their hard work. They also need feedback that should be something like this: ” You know how I marvel at the amount of work you have done to ….! And, here is some feedback on how you could be more effective. So and so is not too happy with the way you did ….., and this has been echoed by some others too… maybe you could change your strategy….What do you think, can you come up with a different way of handling these people or, do you need my suggestion?” All said with a twinkle in the eye and compassion in the heart , with a sincere desire to help the hapless subordinate.
This is a coaching style of leadership that could move a level three personnel who micromanages because he/she thinks he/she is the only one who can do the job to someone who will let go of total control and learn to trust those working under him/her.

More about coaching

What I needed to do when I was studying and training to be a coach is to learn how to accept feedback.  What I also inadvertently took on was the expectation of how feedback should be given. I expected people who gave feedback would do so with a lot of tact, with a twinkle in the eye and love in the heart as Dr Brian Kaplan would say. You can expect that from a good coach who has developed a close relationship with you but do not expect it from people in general. The most important things I learned from coaching was how to be self aware. To be aware of one’s own shortcoming and missteps without having to be told about it by others. A good way to do this would be by journalling. I have a journalling format for you to discover your gifts talents and skills as well as instructions on how to go about doing the journalling. I would be happy to share this with you.  Email me at

What a coach does.

Many of us notice that we see other people’s faults quite easily. What we probably cannot quite manage to notice is our own faults. We even forget what we say . Unfortunately people remember. How would it be then if we could see our own faults just as easily as we see others’s faults. It can happen. What you need is a coach who would tell it to you as it is and do it to help you change. What will make this work is the building of a relationship and a great deal of trust.