As a human creature, we truly like positive feedback and just hate negative feedback. Bosses in general expect their subordinates to appreciate their negative feedback and “improve”. Actually, it does not work that way. It is demoralizing and an extreme put down especially when the subordinate in question is hardworking and does his/her best within their human limitations.
The subordinate needs to feel appreciated for their hard work. They also need feedback that should be something like this: ” You know how I marvel at the amount of work you have done to ….! And, here is some feedback on how you could be more effective. So and so is not too happy with the way you did ….., and this has been echoed by some others too… maybe you could change your strategy….What do you think, can you come up with a different way of handling these people or, do you need my suggestion?” All said with a twinkle in the eye and compassion in the heart , with a sincere desire to help the hapless subordinate.
This is a coaching style of leadership that could move a level three personnel who micromanages because he/she thinks he/she is the only one who can do the job to someone who will let go of total control and learn to trust those working under him/her.
I was in final year and facing the final MBBCh medical exams in Alexandria Egypt. Somehow I was not doing very well studying because my allergies were getting out of hand.
The hot dusty Alexandria weather did not help much and my eyes were red and itching and in the morning I could not stop sneezing. I was trying to avoid antihistamines because they were making me sleepy and I could not focus on the books. Huge medical books that had to be revised again and again as well as countless past year papers I had to do as an exercise to get ready for my written exams.
My anxiety level at this time had flown through the roof! I was ready to try anything no matter how illogical or unreasonable it seemed to be!
A friend suggested I see a fellow student who had brought with him some homeopathic medicine. I had never heard about Homeopathy before but was willing to give it a try !
So I saw the student who had studied a bit of Homeopathy and he gave me some tiny white sugar pills, just a tiny packet that was for three doses of medicine. It seemed rather too little to me and I did think I would certainly need more but I did not want to ask him for more as I thought he probably needed his medicine for other people and had not got so much on him!
Anyway, after taking the first dose, I found that I felt less anxious almost immediately even though there was some tightness in my chest when I went to bed that night.
The next morning I woke up without swollen eyes and with no sneezing! Amazing! that was the first time in months that I was free from my sneezing!
What amazed me even more was that I did not need the other two doses of the medicine. This medicine helped me get through my exams and pass with a Jaid Jiddan which is close to a distinction, the best results being Mumtaz.
I owe my medical degree to Homeopathic treatment.
When I came back to Malaysia, I looked for local homeopaths and found my first teacher Dr Dali Muin and started my studies and the miracle that happened to me was repeated many times with my patients!
What I needed to do when I was studying and training to be a coach is to learn how to accept feedback. What I also inadvertently took on was the expectation of how feedback should be given. I expected people who gave feedback would do so with a lot of tact, with a twinkle in the eye and love in the heart as Dr Brian Kaplan would say. You can expect that from a good coach who has developed a close relationship with you but do not expect it from people in general. The most important things I learned from coaching was how to be self aware. To be aware of one’s own shortcoming and missteps without having to be told about it by others. A good way to do this would be by journalling. I have a journalling format for you to discover your gifts talents and skills as well as instructions on how to go about doing the journalling. I would be happy to share this with you. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Many of us notice that we see other people’s faults quite easily. What we probably cannot quite manage to notice is our own faults. We even forget what we say . Unfortunately people remember. How would it be then if we could see our own faults just as easily as we see others’s faults. It can happen. What you need is a coach who would tell it to you as it is and do it to help you change. What will make this work is the building of a relationship and a great deal of trust.
I just found out I am a slash/slash/slash kind of person! What does that mean? It just means I can do quite a number of things and that some people or let us say most people would not understand that I could actually be good at what I do simply because there are too many things that I seem to be doing.
Actually there is a theme to what I do. The theme is HEALING. All that I do is connected to healing. Healing the mind, the body and the spirit and that is the connection to all that I do. Each training that I understake, each medical consultation that I do, each coaching and each energy work that I do will have the aim of HEALING. Even when I teach I want to either teach the student to be able to HEAL or to be HEALED. More than this, I am constantly seeking to be healed. To be healed from my bad habits including negative ways of behaving and thinking , to be healed from bodily aches and pains.
What then would be my definition of HEALING ?
This is a definition from the Free Dictionary online
healed, heal·ing, heals
1. To restore to health or soundness; cure.
2. To set right; repair: healed the rift between us.
3. To restore (a person) to spiritual wholeness
4. To become whole and sound; return to health.
To me the meaning of being whole becomes, to be whole in body mind and spirit.
To be as what our Maker would define as a Whole Human ( Insanul Kamil )
So HEALING means to move closer and closer to being a Whole Human Being !
Hence my various ///activities are united under the banner of HEALING but telling people I am a HEALER just does not give them the understanding of what I do.
Hence I will still be introducing myself differently to different people so that there is no mismatch!
To know more about what I do, please read the About Dr Suriya above this page.